Monday, September 09, 2019

I sat and listened to my anger

This quote struck me today.. "I sat with my anger long enough, until I realized her name was grief." oh how I can relate to this... but as a mental health professional can I help? Yes!!!  Anger alerts me to the fact that I fear loss.  Well sometimes a more appropriate response to loss is...sadness and acceptance. Does it make me mad...yes, but staying here does not help me or my loved ones.

Anger is not wrong, but it can lead to stuckness...Anger is an ok part of it, but we can get stuck in it. And sadly, anger is addictive and it can keep us in that stuckness longer than need be.  Loss comes to us in many different ways. Sometimes it's the death of a loved one. Sometimes just untimely. Sometimes it is loss of health, relationship or ability, property. Can we be mad? Heck yeah, but the only reason we are mad, is that we are first desperately sad. Or scarred...And we did not know what to do. That is actually scarier than mad. Mad is ready to fight and argue...sad is just..sad. Scared is scared. Yet, when we are dealing with deep grief there is absolutely NO avoiding that sad. I'm sorry friend, I would love to spare you of that,  but it cannot be. Believe it or not allowing oneself to feel the very deep sadness  or fear, allows us to connect with God. If you allow it, it can take you to a place that you wrestle with your God and Savior in a way you never have believed possible. Embracing the sadness and the anger can drive us to cry out to God, "Why?" and in our wrestling we encounter "How" and in that encounter we discover relationship! And the answer to how.

Thursday, May 09, 2019

This weekend means so many things and it is not even the weekend yet.  Here is Collin 2015 graduating from High School.  The kids are so anxious to look older.. not me.  Ha. He headed to Sterling College and played football for a season and a bit and is graduating with a Business Accounting BS.  So very proud of him especially because of the obstacles he has overcome this year.  I know thinking that so many of "my" SC students were taken care of, but my son, not really.  It's been hard, but he had over come!

As I look at my son graduating high school and now 4 years later college.  Look up the statistics that is not a given.  I am so proud of him. He had a major heartbreak last summer and yet he still has managed to finish and graduate.  I am very proud of him!

First semester roommates, not sure I was allowed in any rooms after this!

 Football was a fun, but yet demanding and physically draining on the body.  I'm so glad you got at least one full and one partial season, to experience this challenge.

There are many things that occurred during the next 3 years he does not want to remember.As we move towards SC graduation weekend son, please know we love and cherish you.  What a wonderful start to our family.  You did it!!!  Congratulations! Do not let those that did not appreciate you rob you of this. They may be sorry some day.  I do believe the best is yet to come for you.I love you so much!
Maybe someday he can learn to love and appreciate a group like this that lead to love...hurt...frustration.I do not know what to do. The wound is very deep.