tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-327453752024-03-05T11:10:38.401-06:00Kansas WheatheartsTerihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.comBlogger466125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-31656818797272492382019-09-09T22:20:00.002-05:002019-09-09T22:20:32.364-05:00I sat and listened to my angerThis quote struck me today.. "I sat with my anger long enough, until I realized her name was grief." oh how I can relate to this... but as a mental health professional can I help? Yes!!! Anger alerts me to the fact that I fear loss. Well sometimes a more appropriate response to loss is...sadness and acceptance. Does it make me mad...yes, but staying here does not help me or my loved ones.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9BkN-L2YCf-nIYmBTAXkZ-3G67nJafxdb72auGu1Lv-_O0YgYyN356jl8VjuWYs8O8mRMVxOW6-2efpcQbgJ7k7dcxEoZgdtL6DZp5mPciqSmbh_vMn_X8xEbFBR6FXODjTH/s1600/IMG_20150909_201952_477+%25281%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjw9BkN-L2YCf-nIYmBTAXkZ-3G67nJafxdb72auGu1Lv-_O0YgYyN356jl8VjuWYs8O8mRMVxOW6-2efpcQbgJ7k7dcxEoZgdtL6DZp5mPciqSmbh_vMn_X8xEbFBR6FXODjTH/s320/IMG_20150909_201952_477+%25281%2529.jpg" width="180" /></a>Anger is not wrong, but it can lead to stuckness...Anger is an ok part of it, but we can get stuck in it. And sadly, anger is addictive and it can keep us in that stuckness longer than need be. Loss comes to us in many different ways. Sometimes it's the death of a loved one. Sometimes just untimely. Sometimes it is loss of health, relationship or ability, property. Can we be mad? Heck yeah, but the only reason we are mad, is that we are first sad....so desperately sad. Or scarred...And we did not know what to do. That is actually scarier than mad. Mad is ready to fight and argue...sad is just..sad. Scared is scared. Yet, when we are dealing with deep grief there is absolutely NO avoiding that sad. I'm sorry friend, I would love to spare you of that, but it cannot be. Believe it or not allowing oneself to feel the very deep sadness or fear, allows us to connect with God. If you allow it, it can take you to a place that you wrestle with your God and Savior in a way you never have believed possible. Embracing the sadness and the anger can drive us to cry out to God, "Why?" and in our wrestling we encounter "How" and in that encounter we discover relationship! And the answer to how.<br />
..Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-6590426639798531912019-05-09T22:02:00.002-05:002019-05-09T22:02:43.154-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho6TiKIIgxamAAxba7QcK6Z6jHXeRtasYw3oZ5sFIbJYDnuED9uZAIw5iwAEu9Y4KUy5SYeUtcNKX_kIwNwWJYiBOSnHq-QQ3nfn4Bldvfai4YzBFdaXADXE95wMJTyPR6c5OV/s1600/collin+and+mom.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1143" data-original-width="1600" height="228" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEho6TiKIIgxamAAxba7QcK6Z6jHXeRtasYw3oZ5sFIbJYDnuED9uZAIw5iwAEu9Y4KUy5SYeUtcNKX_kIwNwWJYiBOSnHq-QQ3nfn4Bldvfai4YzBFdaXADXE95wMJTyPR6c5OV/s320/collin+and+mom.jpg" width="320" /></a>This weekend means so many things and it is not even the weekend yet. Here is Collin 2015 graduating from High School. The kids are so anxious to look older.. not me. Ha. He headed to Sterling College and played football for a season and a bit and is graduating with a Business Accounting BS. So very proud of him especially because of the obstacles he has overcome this year. I know thinking that so many of "my" SC students were taken care of, but my son, not really. It's been hard, but he had over come!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-f2R6FDJJFRxgQg_otWw86LAg2IMcVrqGd3gfLi8HcE746-vXzVwQRhB8juk2icKeB1I5KDjTZ6BOGrny4mdzQvfwksLO_wcCotjWQYoLt8X8k4zRL_v0ZL7TRib_hOL0GBO/s1600/IMG_20150521_175814_976.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP-f2R6FDJJFRxgQg_otWw86LAg2IMcVrqGd3gfLi8HcE746-vXzVwQRhB8juk2icKeB1I5KDjTZ6BOGrny4mdzQvfwksLO_wcCotjWQYoLt8X8k4zRL_v0ZL7TRib_hOL0GBO/s320/IMG_20150521_175814_976.jpg" width="180" /></a>As I look at my son graduating high school and now 4 years later college. Look up the statistics that is not a given. I am so proud of him. He had a major heartbreak last summer and yet he still has managed to finish and graduate. I am very proud of him!</div>
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First semester roommates, not sure I was allowed in any rooms after this!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyphenhyphenuPXqUJ4Qbh5QXpZs22xiPqn2MnhtAJJM7S8rzlLLPmJlnhSA-2aUSHMaPzwwbKw6C4EgXvsGMMEQ25J6iW7wV9NE_k4NcUL75h7IRKvSZExgW-CLwSTcmnW1MQd0BdNHM_8/s1600/12106754_10208294800234493_1538564823086569687_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyphenhyphenuPXqUJ4Qbh5QXpZs22xiPqn2MnhtAJJM7S8rzlLLPmJlnhSA-2aUSHMaPzwwbKw6C4EgXvsGMMEQ25J6iW7wV9NE_k4NcUL75h7IRKvSZExgW-CLwSTcmnW1MQd0BdNHM_8/s320/12106754_10208294800234493_1538564823086569687_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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Football was a fun, but yet demanding and physically draining on the body. I'm so glad you got at least one full and one partial season, to experience this challenge.<br />
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There are many things that occurred during the next 3 years he does not want to remember.As we move towards SC graduation weekend son, please know we love and cherish you. What a wonderful start to our family. You did it!!! Congratulations! Do not let those that did not appreciate you rob you of this. They may be sorry some day. I do believe the best is yet to come for you.I love you so much!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Maybe someday he can learn to love and appreciate a group like this that lead to love...hurt...frustration.I do not know what to do. The wound is very deep.<br /><br />
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Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-31335474639295982262018-09-01T21:41:00.000-05:002018-12-11T18:38:39.257-06:00I am not sure where to start, so many emotions welling up in me. We made it to Week 13, we headed out to San Diego to MCRD and did all the things, but now inside me is a wave, a torrent that does not know what to do with herself. As if it was not real, we were just going through the motions. Surely it is not my son that is not a United States Marine. The few, the proud. Excited for the goals attained, relieved my son was still in there. Terrified because this was a trip very different than Chris and I normally take. Usually we either have our own car or family waiting for us. Nope, we said no to a rental and yes to Uber and Shuttles. How amazingly faithful God was at every step of the way. I prayed early on, that I would leave worry and stress behind me. Locked "Concerned Teri" in the closet. It was tested, she tried to come out, but was always thwarted to the Glory Of God! Even though those steps were something I myself did not really enjoy...the unknown, the uncertain, the relax and let things happen, everything worked out and people were kind. I mean why is renting a car $50 a day supposedly better than Ubering for $40 over 4 days? Relieve driving stress, but pick up the stress of the uncertain. It was really a great experience! We met new people, had some laughs and learned to trust. We had a little less than 48 hours before we saw Hans, but some of our blessings included:<br />
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<li>Met up with a couple at the airport arriving and we traveled with them the whole 4 days. Good times.</li>
<li>Lots of waiting, but pleasant people to do it with.</li>
<li>Gorgeous scenery, good food, time together with Chris.</li>
<li>Timing.... God, You are just amazing! Thank You for Your Grace and Mercy! Wow!</li>
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We were told Security would be a challenge on Base and to anticipate 30 minute walks. Well, our Shuttles drove us all the way in and therefore, we were always at least 30 minutes early. That is actually a good problem... so we got there before 0700 and got a glimpse of the Company moving to Graduation practice. Thirty seconds in and we see this... Hans' platoon heading to practice. <br />
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I was all caught up in how awesome the first was only to realize they were parading where we could film them again. Realize I had not laid eyes on him in 13 weeks.. That is why I am so excited!</div>
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Ugh, we wanted to watch the Color Ceremony at the Governor's Building, but as we walked past people were already lining up for graduation. We took a chance and as we returned to the bleachers we saw an empty spot where we needed it to be... it had bird poop on it, so no one wanted it. Oh heck, we cleaned it right off and got great seats. Thank you Jesus! Enjoyable footage at graduation when the Band played before each platoon.</div>
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As it was time to dismiss each Platoon for Leave, this is what we heard... </div>
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Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-50682660028220545402018-06-10T19:51:00.002-05:002018-06-11T09:12:15.152-05:00The TransformationIt was a week ago today that the shaking started. It was the day we planned to have Hans' farewell/ ship out party. I woke up silly early and realized I did not have anything really planned for the party. I had spent Friday morning with Hans shopping, talking and having some quality time. This morning I felt frozen inside and just quaked. <br />
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As the day went by I got things ready for both the family dinner before hand and the party afterwards. I was a bundle of nerves wondering who would or would not come, how would the balance between his clay shooting and visiting with people would go. Would there be enough food? I printed a bunch of Marine things off, to give people to look at and made a banner for decorating and cards for people to fill out. Eating was not easy! I would get hungry and then the food would hit the ice. The family dinner went well, Mom mom Anderson brought a favorite cake and we cleaned up after dinner and prepped for the party. People arrived while they were outside and it quickly became an outside party, so we scurried and got as many chairs as we could. It was hot, but not too hot. It actually went well and took my mind off what Sunday might look like. People cleared out around 8:30 and we sat outside with a few of Erin's friends and Hans. It was a neat gathering. <br />
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By Sunday the shaking was even worse and it was not like you could see it, but it was like shivering in the cold. I tried to eat the pancakes Chris made and got about half way through before they hit the butterflies and I had to stop. A sense of "I don't want to do this." "This can't be happening" went through me. Yet, I tried to be determined to keep much of that to myself and put on an OK front for Hans. We got ready, packed for the overnight, and gave instructions to the others.<br />
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At about 9:45 Hans came out with his ipod and turned the Bose on and played Josh Turner's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WcOQwBQg8vo" target="_blank">Pallbearer</a>. I looked at him and said, "Is that wise?" He said "I thought I'd set the mood." Now, Hans is known to be the kid that finds the obscure, funny or totally annoying song and plays it loud and long! You know like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c71RCAyLS1M" target="_blank">Tiny Tim, Living in the Sunlight</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c71RCAyLS1M" target="_blank">Blue Suede, Hooked on a Feeli</a>ng. But no this morning we are listening to sad songs, well sure enough he started to play the other more uplifting songs and soon Erin, Alan and even Collin emerge to have some fun with it. It would be the last time this summer and it was Bittersweet (think we listened to that too). All I could think of is how much I love these kids and how I enjoy the fun they have together. <br />
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After goodbyes, we loaded up the car and headed to Wichita. We had some good talks and the butterflies were pretty intense much of the time. When we got to Wichita, I realized he was in shorts and a tee and not jeans and polos like the other recruits, so that made me nervous. GySgrt did not seem worried. We were told to be there at 10:30 for a briefing, photos etc, but the shuttle did not take off until 12. I guess they had 2-3 that were there for initial processing. It was a long wait, but good to sit beside him. I even grabbed a selfie with him, "because I could".<br />
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Headed to OKC and got there about 3:30. Some drama there in that the hotel liason would not let them leave the hotel, like we had been told. By then we had checked in and caught up with the Scobees who were there to take their son Wendell. Hans' friend Connor was there as well. We found a loop hole in the system in that only those recruits that had checked in had to stay, so before checking in to a room, we whisked them away for a dinner and a walk. Afterwards they got checked in, went to another briefing, visited a little and then went to their rooms.<br />
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Monday 4:45 AM, I awoke to the sound of somebody barking orders, I peeked out my door to see a bunch of recruits 7 floors down in a line. I texted Hans and said good morning. Surprisingly, he said he wanted to come up and get rid of some of the things from his bag. That he did and he looked pretty nervous, he wanted a smaller bag for the few things he had, but we did not have one. I gave him a good long hug and he was off. A good long hug, last time I would see him privately for a long time. <br />
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Hans texted that the swearing in would start at 10, so we headed to MEPS with the Scobees and got there around 9. We went through security and they showed us where the recruits were. We got to hang out with them while they went through processing. This was something we were told would not happen. I was happy. It was odd hearing them call for "Marine applicant Anderson" and then "Marine shipper Anderson" as he progressed through the phases. Unlike anything I've been through. He was slated for group 1 and taken to a briefing room. From there he came out and said his last goodbye. Why I thought we'd take pictures afterward I do not know, but we took no pictures. We talked, we prayed and we hugged, but no pictures. We got a briefing on the swearing in procedures which included the ability to take pictures afterwards. Liars! When we went to the swearing in ceremony we were told that we'd said our goodbyes and this was it. That was when I remembered Hans had not given us his phone. UGH. Back through security we went and we waited until the travel briefing was done and they were grabbing their bags to head to the airport when Hans gave us his entire bag minus glasses and belt. He was a little rattled and goodbye was harder. It was a lot harder. <br />
<br />
All of my sons weaknesses would be laid bare before these men. I know them all and then some. I felt afraid and almost sick as I headed home. I cried a bit, feeling as vulnerable as I bet he felt or would feel in days to come. Sister Cathie said it well, 'Teri, it is out of your hands, they will take care of him, that is what they are there for". That helped, she said they'd seen it all and I am sure... for better or worse. The phone call came at 12:20 and it came to Chris' phone and we missed it. I screamed, but thankfully my phone started ringing and it was him and I heard the highly anticipated phone call: "Marine recruit Anderson had arrived at the depot in San Diego and the next time we would hear from him would be by postal mail...do we understand? Do we have questions? I told him no, we love you and he said love you in return. Goodbye. <br />
<br />
He made it. <br />
<br />
I had a wake up call Tuesday morning when I learn that the first 4 days called receiving, they really have no place to call home. No bunk, nothing. They go from thing to thing to thing for the better part of 4 days and then Friday morning thy meet their Drill Instructors. This is the stripping away of self and civilian life, a tried and true Marine process. Trust the process. By only the grace of God, I turned him over to God and the Marine Corps and vowed to pray as often as I thought of him. This was HUGE! When I walked by his room I prayed, when I missed him, I prayed. When I worried, I prayed. It helped me a ton and I can only hope that it helped him. "He needs your prayers Teri." I felt the Lord saying. Not my self pity, not my worry. The shaking ceased Tuesday AM and has not returned. I praise God for that! I did tear up today during worship as we were singing, "Jesus, thank you." It meant something even deeper today. Thank you Jesus! Thank you!<br />
<br />
Saturday we got the notification that he signed up for Sandboxx, so we can send him digital letters. that tells me he still remembers our cell numbers! :-) What a testimony to the grace and strength of our Lord! One week down... 12 to go! <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-10392595493770356352017-11-29T22:43:00.002-06:002018-06-05T22:10:15.775-05:00On the precipiceOn the precipice of something HUGE. <br />
Two years ago, we looked at our financing and thought, the responsible thing would be to have me get a job so we could have some income and benefits. Our Obamacare benefits were well over $1000/mo. The choice was nursing home social worker or Admin Assist at SC where Collin and Erin would get benefits towards tuition. I thought I could do it and at first I could. I did not realize I was in the fog of grief. After mom died, I probably did not have the energy or the empathy to carry another's pain. That changed. And isn't God amazing. tina resigned shortly after I arrived and I thought, "this is the job for me and why God brought me here." Nope. It really was not. Yet over the year being at the college allowed Heather and I to become closer friends...we were just "meet on the street friends" before. Now, it breaks my heart to say that God placed us in these places so maybe I could help bear a burden a parent should never have to bear and out of that came an involvement in Light Up The Dark and out of that may come the answer to years of prayers. My mom always misunderstood and thought I wanted to be a psychologist to make money and I swear I never remember saying that, but mom would tell me re: counseling, "Ah but hon you're good at it." and I'd say, How, how do you even know that. Because I have put my professional career aside to raise kids and care for her in her elder years. Bless her, she would hoot and holler to hear what I am up to. <br />
<br />
Through a series of unfortunate events I am leaving SC. I've learned that one can not do just anything for money. Well one can, but not necessarily well or for the benefit of one's health. So I resigned and as Heather and I talked we realized that we had similar vision, but she held the guts to make it happen. And bless her she is willing to allow me to participate. I am part of the Light House initiative , where a person/ family gets to make a new start and plot healthy paths for the future. Now she may be willing to be part of my dream Counseling people using God's word. It is still in the planning stages and I pray for God's timing, Gods' door and God's unity of vision!Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-1070998887821208432017-03-28T19:33:00.001-05:002017-03-28T19:33:38.146-05:00Mom DreamWhen someone you love dies, every now and then, some more often than others, you dream about them. It is a very moving experience. I have lost both of my parents. My most moving dad memory came at a birthday shortly after his death (and he died 2 days after my 36th birthday). In my dream he was there as we were celebrating my birthday. In my family's home. We were having a customary family dinner and we all looked at him, somehow we were also in Kansas and I remember saying to him and thinking, "what are you doing here? you are dead?" He smiled his crooked smile and said, "it's your birthday, I had to wish you a happy birthday." I almost never dream about my dad, but this one I cherish in the very heart of me. Not because I think he magically communicated with me in my dream, but because it was what I needed.<br />
<br />
For as much as I love and miss her, I rarely dream of mom. Last night I did and I am seeing a theme. I can barely hear her. Last night she was calling me on the phone and just as I answered everything got noisy around me. I knew it was her and I kept trying to block everything else out and hear her. I was able to some, still frustrated, but even in my dream I knew it was a dream and I cherished the sound of her voice. I think she was wishing me a happy birthday too. The sound of her voice made me smile in my dream and I awoke smiling and thinking, WOW I dreamt about mom!!!! <br />
<br />
I miss my family. Nothing here in KS compares. Chris dreams of moving to CO and I have my doubts that I will ever find that close bond. Maybe we can have my family move near us in CO.Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-71495743839537835422016-10-28T22:07:00.000-05:002016-10-28T22:07:36.793-05:00PainYesterday two women I love and respect posted things that let the world know they were hurting. Why is that so hard?<br />
One admitted that she has been hiding.<br />
Hiding...<br />
I know of hiding and masks and knowing one thing and feeling another. The German within me and the proud Irish say, "Mind over matter." So I know many things and that knowing keeps me sane. Keeps me functioning and largely, keeps me healthy.<br />
But guess what...the matter is still there...and the matter is in pain.<br />
For those of my friends and acquaintance that have lost child or spouse; I truly cannot imagine. As a grief counselor I am not afraid to walk into the dark places with others and I know our human tendencies with grief and still I am blown away by the pain I am feeling. It is tempting to invalidate it, because mine is a parent, a 'normal' loss, but I can't because it is so real. <br />
I had someone very firmly snap at me that grief is evidence that I had a meaningful relationship and I should be thankful. Period.<br />
Wow.<br />
Dear God in Heaven, You are the Creator and sustainer of all things and sweet Jesus, there at Creation, You were there in the beginning and without You nothing was made that was made. And the perfect plan to send You as a lamb to slaughter to pay for the iniquities of our sins beginning at Christmas. Oh Sweet Jesus, my favorite time of year. Is all the decorating, cherishing and celebrating because of You or is it because I love pine, holly, white lights and snowmen? It is more than that, the tenderness of Christmas is that as a vulnerable baby You came down and your earthly parents were vulnerable and how it must have ripped open God's heart to let You leave Your heavenly throne and yet as a good Father, He was pleased, He burst inside with both pride and joy that You would and could defeat this separation. You would save us. Oh sweet God almighty...what a sacrifice. Dear Jesus, thank you. Let my grief not diminish one ounce of that, for my love and cherishing of it was started as a child by a mother that loved to make Christmas special, full of wonder, full of joy and togetherness, which is what Christmas is ultimately about. You came down. wonder joy togetherness.<br />
At the risk of sounding so stupid and petty...this is what I realize is eating me up inside about this Christmas. This is my first year that we should be going home to PA for Christmas, but I no longer have a home in PA for Christmas. Mom is gone and our home sold. <br />
I left my home for the family I now have 21 years ago, but every 2 years I breathed deep the feeling of going home to 4613 Tarryton Rd. To see the porch, my mom on the porch, the carpet, the stairs, the fireplace and one by one to welcome in my siblings as they came home and we were reunited for Christmas. The mistletoe in the door way. The chimes, the magic mailbox, the kitchen and family room that never changed. The golf balls on the wall, the map of Doylestown, the mirror on the bathroom door, the bedrooms upstairs lit by the neighbors Christmas lights. My prom and graduation dresses in the closets. The sound of the heater clank clank clank so loud. The scalding hot water and the backwards faucet handles because my dad would not call a plumber. Mom's hugs. Memory treasures everywhere. When I'd go home, I was home and I soaked it in deeply and it fueled me for 2 more years. And now it's gone.<br />
One year, yes 18 years I'd been in KS and I started fantasizing about hugging my siblings, nieces and nephews and great nieces and nephew in the hallway in August. No lie.<br />
It is not that I don't love it here in KS with my friends and family, but nothing is like my family to me. And no one here understands that, which just makes it worse.<br />
<br />
So how do I balance such tender emotions. What do I do with them? Do I try to recreate Mom's Christmas here in KS? She has neighbors and friends into the home that did not have anything better to do Christmas eve and her children and grandchildren came. We went to Mass, ate stew and decorated the tree to the sounds of Booker T and the MGs and then we settled in with all the snack food that friends and family brought. Sometimes, a live nativity would appear or an impromptu band performance. One year a giant Whoopie cushion appeared. So fun. A visit from Santa one year. Always the gift exchange aka the Chinese Auctions (sorry) A walk in the snow looking at the neighbors lights, caroling. Walking up to the field that mom would like to look out over. For a while we'd be Santa and help her bring the grandkids gifts up and stuff the stockings.<br />
I love the childhood she gave me: walks and songs and traditions. As of yet, my family does not embrace them. Maybe someday.<br />
They like TV and games (I like games) and making fun of each other and shrimp.<br />
No singing, no Christmas pickle or elves or silliness. <br />
It's not the same.<br />
What to do.<br />
What<br />
to<br />
do.<br />
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<br />Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-45010334797555041552016-09-07T22:35:00.001-05:002016-09-07T22:35:55.830-05:00<div data-contents="true">
<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="5c78v-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5c78v-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="5c78v-0-0"><span data-text="true"><div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="5c78v-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="5c78v-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="5c78v-0-0"><span data-text="true">Why, my soul, are you downcast?</span></span></div>
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<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="6q5j6-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="6q5j6-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="6q5j6-0-0"><span data-text="true"> Why so disturbed within me?</span></span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="a1mjb-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="a1mjb-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="a1mjb-0-0"><span data-text="true">Put your hope in God,</span></span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="o25k-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="o25k-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="o25k-0-0"><span data-text="true"> for I will yet praise him,</span></span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="26qkp-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="26qkp-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="26qkp-0-0"><span data-text="true"> my Savior and my God Psalms 43:5</span></span></div>
</div>
<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="tg4-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="tg4-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="tg4-0-0"><span data-text="true">I do not mourn as those that have not hope, I mourn because I love.</span></span></div>
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<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="2blj2-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="2blj2-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="2blj2-0-0"><span data-text="true">I had a great, not perfect, mom.</span></span></div>
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<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="89f2s-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="89f2s-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="89f2s-0-0"><span data-text="true">We had similar temperaments and I was the baby. It's real, we are spoiled! She probably had more time for me than my older sibs and I cannot fix or change that. She was quirky. And look out kids. Lots of people tell me I'm just like her. In the nursing home the aid said I was her twin. Eeek..and yet precious. OK shudder a little, but I would rather be goofy like she was and love on and hug on people... than not. Ask silly questions. Tell silly stories. Kiss every head of every grand kid every morning...yep. You're in trouble. Be so stinkin happy trying to find that silver lining because that was her life. I do not know how to appropriate all of this and determine what my role is now. My very capable sis </span></span><span class="_5u8u" data-offset-key="89f2s-1-0" spellcheck="false"><span data-offset-key="89f2s-1-0"><span data-text="true">Cathie McCormick</span></span></span><span data-offset-key="89f2s-2-0"><span data-text="true"> is our matriarch and wow a youngest girl could not ask for a better sister to be her guide and confidant. I had 2 precious "moms". The question now is, who is hosting Christmas and paying for air fare??? I don't know PA I may need to wait another year, but my prayer is...</span></span></div>
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<div data-block="true" data-editor="9gkqc" data-offset-key="1uabf-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="1uabf-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="1uabf-0-0"><span data-text="true">Lord, I open my heart and my life to YOU...fill it however You choose</span></span></div>
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Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-51085504042272325912016-09-03T21:31:00.000-05:002016-09-03T21:31:18.008-05:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A month ago Jacob Oden died, a 15 year old, in an instant. Next weekend will mark a year that Mom has been gone. One cannot compare these two things. One a long lived life ending due to a failing body and mind. One tragic and would seem a fluke except for the God that controls all things. We know and accept that He has an appointed time for each one. Each one of us has their days written in His book before one comes to pass. Whether we accept this as true or not does not really matter. </div>
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As I ponder the close to this first year, I feel weird. I feel a dread like no, not a full year! Don't let this year end that will make it...something. More final. What can be more final about death's year anniversary. It's been plenty real all year. No spring visit, no fall visit, no Christmas at home, my childhood home. The only home I had except this one. NO opening the door to open arms, familiar sights and smells. Creaky floors, old bedrooms, backwards faucets and scalding water. Golf balls on the wall, wood chips on the porch, fire in the fire place. The street lights shining in our bed room windows. Same old coffee maker, dishwasher, stove, The tree, those lights, the stockings Our house...and all the people and smiles that go with it. There is no replacing it. It was home to me for too long. </div>
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Perhaps it brings up a bigger reality. I have never accept KS as my home. I stay here for a couple of years at a time, and go home for Christmas every other year to feel real again. Here I have no close attachments other than my husband and family of procreation (and Bill and Paula). If it weren't for Chris and the kids I would leave here in a heartbeat and head to PA. True story.</div>
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I feel like the people that love me best are there. The people I love best are there. Our family, Bill and Paula and...</div>
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That's it then. That's the problem...that's the empty I feel. </div>
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Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-40386588900963076462016-07-08T23:44:00.001-05:002016-07-08T23:44:29.532-05:00Black lives matter Period, Exclamation point.<br />
I can say this without implying that other lives don't matter. To pretend we don't have something going on in America right now, is to be blind. Blue lives matter. So I have a foster son who is black and a nephew who is blue. I love and cherish them both and distain the person to kill them. I am a white woman, however, I <b>vow </b>to both cherish life and cherish diversity. I have a Mexican daughter that I LOVE, and African American son that I LOVE and an Italian daughter that I LOVE, South African friends that I LOVE. But this angst hurts my heart! Don't look at me as a white woman who does not care! I care!! Don't judge me by my skin or my gender~ How can people be so shallow as to see skin deep? There is such richness in knowing people different than yourself. Whether city to rural or culture to culture or race to race. It pains me greatly to know that African Americans live with anger and fear. That other races feel demoralized or less than. If you are living and drawing breathe, you can thank God and God alone who is an amazing and creative God, rich in diversity and creativity. You matter! Why just love your own daisy, love the hibiscus or the exotic plants or the dessert plants which all show such beauty, but differently. <br />
Show me eyes that are deep and connect. Help me Lord, connect with eyes that are shallow and have not been seen. Oh God search me and see if there is any offensive way in me and show me the way to LOVE! For if You made them, they are worthy of dying for!Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-74818976557984532022016-06-11T22:43:00.000-05:002016-06-11T22:43:57.304-05:00LiftedI have a praise, without knowing exactly how, my grief has lifted. Oh last week was hard. Mark sent me a picture of her and dad's chairs in Paul and Jane's cabin. I burst into tears. For all the nevers. Never get to go "home" to 4613 again. Mourning the loss as I mentioned in the last post, but then somewhere between Friday to Monday...it lifted. Midway through the week I realized I felt lighter. Happy. Peaceful. Oh dear sweet Jesus, please let them remain for I did not recognize the me of the last 10 months. I do not want to be sad and not caring any more. It's time to live and feel and embrace. <br />
I am thankful.<br />
I have learned a thing or 2 about complicated bereavement and yet I believe it was merely a blessing and a trust. I pray Lord that it will not return. The dark and the bereft. <br />
We'll be OK. I'll be OK. Help me embrace all that is coming our way and to use this returned energy wisely, Oh Lord please help me.<br />
In the powerful name of Jesus I pray!Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-1818751758078069072016-06-03T00:11:00.001-05:002016-06-03T00:11:32.384-05:00The beginning of the end. <br />
It was the end of her KS visit that was to be a trial run at living here. She rejected it. 'I'm Pennsylvania born and bread'. The truth be known that since when Dad died, we all took her in as a "child" because there was so much she had not done. I was the nurturer, care taker and I thought I'd finally found a way to bring her to me. Yet, she could not, literally, could not do it. It was too late. She was very sick. We had a wonderful time in PA celebrating Sean an Michelle's wedding. Leaving her was hard. They had the Happ Reunion and the beach trip to look forward to. All of what ensued was unexpected. She was in the ER after the Happ reunion and oh my word after the beach trip it was the beginning of the end. I am both dreading and embracing this time. As I relive all of those, "Teri, mom has fallen or mom is in the ER" phone calls when I can not do a darn thing except trust. We made it through the summer and Mike was busy saying he would not have her return to KS when she landed in the ER for the last time. I got a call or text while in Cbmo. I was so upset. Then when she fell and the muscle spasms and she did not push her alert button. I knew. How do you choose between hospice and rehab. She'd have one good day and one bad. We knew, I knew and I wanted to just embrace her through it and yet that one night Cathie needed me too. We were arguing about what to do about mom when she died. That is really and end that has no late submissions. Here is a song from Oh Danny Boy, "And you will find the place where I am lying and kneel and say an "Ave" there for me. But I shall hear, though soft you tread above me, and Oh my grave shall warmer, sweeter be. And you will bend and tell me that you love me and I shall sleep in peace until you come to me."<br />
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'You are her twin', the nursing staff said as I sat by her bed late at night. I lost my mom, a friend, and to others, my twin. It really messes with me. To watch as someone you love slips to the other side and knowing what all that means. I only mourn for myself. She is far better off. I miss her. How selfish is that. As if Father God is not far more than mortal mom was. surely He understands, for He gave her to me and I have often thanked Him for her. He surely knows the hurt in my heart while knowing that I know that, He wins! We win, I will miss her for a time, but I need to let that grow me. Trust Him, like she did.Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-67746580062666052252016-01-25T21:25:00.001-06:002016-01-25T21:25:58.161-06:00BAMBam! Most times my brain is ready for the logic that goes with losing a parent and is able to quickly say how she's in a better place (true). She is at rest (praise God and yes)! It's a natural part of life (true). Every now and then, when you least expect it, the wave smacks you and you realize that pictures are all that's left of seeing them again. (until the end). When all the firsts come: first birthday in Heaven, first Christmas in Heaven etc. When she isn't coming for her late winter/ early spring visit. And it just hurts. <br />
Thank you for being such a good Mom.Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-52161895064391303382015-11-05T22:47:00.000-06:002015-12-13T19:27:36.772-06:00In between two worldsI must confess, a big part of my emotional energy was spent considering how to get my mother close to me, so I could take care of her as she aged. As excited I was to have her here in KS, she wanted to go back to PA. I wonder if it would have been different if I had the Walden's big house with a spare bedroom for her. I don't. She knew it. It ripped my heart from me. How could I blame her. "She's a Pennsylvania girl, born and bred." I still wanted her close to me. She seemed to melt when I hugged her and told her how much I love her every day. We worked together, cheered together, but at the end of the day, she felt like she did not belong here. She told me once that when it was time to go the nursing home she'd rather be here. So what was I to do when after a fabulous weekend in Annapolis she falls and ends up in the hospital? Well really after the beach she was so dehydrated she wound up in the ER. Far away from me, far away. I wanted to sneak back there and kidnap her. But me, on the threshold of the new school year...football and volleyball, Erin's senior year and Alan's first year of junior high....<br />
<br />
Then the fall that landed her in the hospital. The unstable vitals. The news that the cancer has advanced considerably far beyond what we imagined. The insane transfer to the nursing home (have we sued for that yet?). Wasn't it moving slow before...before she was house bound. Depressed. Unmotivated. Dam it. Cancer loves depression and hopelessness.<br />
<br />
Everyone jokes about the baby of the family. Everyone says how spoiled we are. It' true. I had what none of my siblings had and I loved her for it. I LOVE HER for it. She finally had time, she had finally settled down a little. She had dad to deal with, but somehow we had a connection that I cannot explain or apologize for. We both left our home towns and gave up careers for family. Neither of us got to care for our aged parents. I would like to think I have some important differences. I own my choices and I have had some teaching and training that gave me some strength and assertiveness that she never found in this life. In the nursing home it was creepy. They said I was her twin. "You look just like her." I never saw it, but wow. People who did not even know us saw it.<br />
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What I will miss the most is that she always encouraged me. Sometimes too much, she gave me way to much credit! She prayed for me and in the end the fact that the woman that understood me and some of my struggles better than anyone has died. She, the woman who cheer leaded me is gone. The woman who trembled when I held her and by holding her and telling her how much I loved her and wanted her with me , isn't.<br />
I miss you mom. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
And here's the crazy...<br />
<br />
Since returning to KS everyone was full of hugs, but also quiet: "Great mom's home. Life goes on!!" I have a few who wonder and get it and ask how I am doing. OK, but not always peachy! As I was talking about this weekend when Erin and I will be heading to PA for mom's interment Chris was surprised, "that's this weekend?" Yes, 2 days.<br />
IT IS NOT REAL FOR ANYONE HERE BUT ME!<br />
Tonight: volleyball banquet: "yay, we made it to state. yay what a great year!!!"<br />
Tomorrow night: football banquet: I can't even imagine. What a hard working group of young men that because of injury and circumstance were not able to accomplish everything they wanted. It will be hard....and then SLAM<br />
back to the east coast, family, hugs, love, mourning, sorrow, laughter, singing, sadness, connections, hello's, goodbyes.... I love you's and a huge gaping black hole that I must enter that brings me back to home where most of them don't have a clue..... I'm not sure what it will be like having Erin with me. Maybe it will bridge these two worlds or maybe she'll be stuck in the gap as well. <br />
<br />
Truth this emotional turmoil I know several things to be true.<br />
<ul>
<li>Mom's life and death were not chance or happenstance, she is home with her creator God and she is at rest.</li>
<li>HE is my biggest help and encourager, always all the time, never sick, never sleeping, always able and willing to be my help and my God.</li>
<li>He is near to the broken hearted, HE is near to me.</li>
<li>I can be sad that I miss her, but I do not need to dismay. My God does not disappoint and I will see my mother again someday.</li>
<li>He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it in Christ Jesus.</li>
<li>Greater is HE that is in me, than he that is living in the world.</li>
<li>I can encourage my siblings by the hope I have in being faithful to the Truths of the Bible.</li>
<li>I can enjoy this life knowing that my mother loved and enjoyed seeing her family thrive..</li>
</ul>
Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-55840652966465337932015-05-22T21:53:00.000-05:002015-05-22T21:53:02.180-05:00BalanceOne day I think my son is so far behind he won't graduate and walk the state. Then he graduates and I wonder, will he get a good summer job, will he do all he needs to do to be ready for college????? But he has graduated and for that I must give thanks, for this is something I have prayed for. I do thank you, Father God for this mercy for in all his procrastination, he did not necessarily deserve it! On the other front, caring for the aged. I have always had a caretaker heart. If something needs taken care of I will do it until it either takes care of itself or it's taken from me. It's as simple as breathing an I genuinely enjoy it. It makes my heart happy. So while at times taking care of mom is just an every day thing I wonder, 'how has this happened to a woman so strong, active and spunky?'. One never knows.<br />
<br />
We were at an outdoor venue getting a burger and some people were smoking nearby. I asked mom if she wanted to go and visit with them and let them see what lung cancer and emphysema look like. She can't make a bed, get in a car or even a bed without being completely winded. Walking across a parking lot or a room is all it takes. In the midst of everything else every now and then the reality of what she is dealing with hits me, this will kill her. What will that look like? Will she suffer? How long will she suffer? Who will care for her and be there for her? It better be me. I have never wanted to be free of all other burdens just to take care of her, but who knows how long this might take. Trying to figure out what is poor memory and what is stubbornness bugs me. She won't walk to the dining hall, but is she afraid? Kind of. She does not eat, but did she forget? Ugh! That is why deep down I just want to have her live with us. I want the kids to see both the struggle and the compassion. It is a part of family history that has been lost in our generation. Caring for the aged and by God they deserve it. They brought us into this world and provided for 18+ years can I not spare 2-4 or more? What does she want? Dignity. To be needed. She wants to be home. (I can't really give her that.) <br />
Pray: always pray. Father God you ordain all things and through you all things hold together. Give me peace as I step out of the way and let you be sovereign in this area of our lives. Would You be merciful to mom. You know her heart and her love for You. Holy Spirit fill her with Your peace. Light the path before us, so that we know what is of You. Thank you that this life is not the end and that we have the hope of heaven that is for us for eternity. Flood her heart with peace and speak calm to her as decisions need to be made, give us wisdom to act for her and for You.Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-33257078673006418902015-05-14T23:02:00.000-05:002015-05-14T23:02:30.438-05:00TornTorn<br />
I have heard of this stage of life. Caring for aging parents while still raising your own children. I guess I thought I'd be older. Ha! Here I find myself, with mother near me, dear to me, needing me and me wanting to be there for her. To be her helper. It is as slow a process. Much like waiting for a toddler to wander down the road, while looking at every sound, calculating every move, manipulating every bite... slowly. Meanwhile rocketing towards high school graduation is my oldest. This is uncharted territory, it has frozen me since August. How do I do this next step and prepare for launching a son? There are enrollment dates, things to accept, things to prepare, things to complete. If he were eager for his future and seemed ready, I think I'd be Ok, but he is one who seems hesitant to launch. They are both hesitating to launch to the next step independently and I feel in the middle as helper and yet powerless. "Get that job application in", I say. "Did you go to lunch with the others?", I say. "No", they say. Choices, they each have choices. Watching them struggle, one wanting independence but needing help. One wanting help, but needing independence. Ey, the irony! No wonder I am up at night ready to shed tears for both of them. For I remember. I remember feeling scared, uncertain, intimidated, angry at change maybe I did not choose. Serenity, the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. "That's it!", Charlie Brown yells. I cannot change these things, I must surrender to the role of accompanist. I can do what I can and that is all I can do and I need not accept responsibility for more than that. Emotional or physical. I must do what I can do to ensure safety, but I cannot rob another of the process. I can set limits and boundaries as needed, but only for myself. And pray they do the same.<br />
<br />
Thank you Jesus for this time, for I feel you in it and I know You hold the ones I accompany in this process even closer than I do. Your love for them is far greater. Help me to both embrace and enjoy this time for it is truly ordained and You do not return void that which is ordained.<br />
Amen and good night!<br />
Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-84572543266084689292014-01-13T13:47:00.004-06:002014-01-13T13:47:51.793-06:00And we're off and running. Basketball and wrestling are now the weekend activities! This weekend (1/4/14) has Hans in Great Bend with Chris. He wrestled hard and came in 4th. Alan was in Hutchinson and his team got beat badly by Inman. Ouch...to much Christmas vacation! Better luck next time guys!<br />
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Hans is in the black and grey on top.</div>
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Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-723193124706817992014-01-13T13:39:00.000-06:002014-01-13T13:39:29.331-06:00Mid week HolidaysChristmas and New Years both fell on Wednesdays this year and if that does not mess with your head! Well it does if you are on vacation for all the working people who opted not to take vacation time, it was a short break. Ours was long. The kids hung out with friends when they could and spent a good amount of time around the house.<br />
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Dylan spent the night so he and Hans hit the hot tub. They decided running around in the snow wet burns and then getting back in the hot tub is craziness. Truth.</div>
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On our way home from Hutchinson doing some shopping and hitting Sonic!</div>
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Please can't I stay over night at Wyatt's tonight?</div>
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Before break was over went to Hutchinson and the kids met up with Chelsy to go see The Hobbit. We had taken Erin earlier to see it in Wichita, but Collin had not gone so they went with Chelsy. Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-45106846230287300772014-01-13T13:24:00.002-06:002014-01-13T13:24:42.337-06:00Celebrate!We headed into the New Year celebrating with "Leg O Lamb" ala Uncle Bill! We actually had 2 legs: one New Zealand and one American. I could not for the life of me keep track of which was which. Tasty. Strange the things our children will eat and what they will not eat! The day itself was quiet. Alan had a friend over, so he and Wyatt played until it was time to leave. Since we were all up late there was much napping!<br />
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Waiting for food is not fun and then we ate so fast all that was left was some au juis and Port wine.Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-78313034409291104852014-01-02T10:54:00.003-06:002014-01-02T10:54:48.659-06:00Here we are: January 2014Happy New Year! <br />
In the last 2 years since I have been regular blogger I realized how much I missed when I did not have a place to jot down stories and place photos linked to them. As I try to organize scrapbooks and school memory books, my older blogs have "saved" the day.<br />
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So whether anyone reads this or not I hope to keep this up to date with daily or weekly stuff from our corner of the world.<br />
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I did not mind in the least saying Goodbye to 2013. It was just not a year I was fond of. There were some very neat things that happened, but too much in terms of hurt, pain and struggle. There have been some positive things happen here at the end of the year and I am ready to move forward.<br />
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Church has been such a huge answer to prayer. After two extremely painful years, we are now in a place to move forward and grow. Fall of 2013 brought Phil Carroll and his family to Sterling KS as our head pastor. We have had some powerful sermons, amazing singing and more involvement than I have seen in 10+ years. New Years Eve was spent in our fellowship hall with so many of our youth and their friends and our church members came to fellowship, play games and EAT. It was great. In fact I was having too much fun to take photos, so I must rely on one Erin shared with me. She brought her friend Ileria with her and they are in the AWANA Cubbie puppet house.<br />
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2014...whoohooo!</div>
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Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-30613670163128025002012-08-09T09:30:00.000-05:002012-08-09T09:30:03.031-05:00Erin's Birthday celebrated...For Erin's birthday she and her friend Cristina went to the movies and then we brought pizza home. They played with the goats, giggled a lot and had a pretty good evening.<br />
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Erin's family party was a bit of a flop really. She had a friend overnight and then slept through most of her birthday and was not really awake for her family party. Sad really, as I have no photos of her during the family party. She was not happy that I had it after the sleep over and had food she did not like. That was not very thoughtful of me and I forget exactly how it worked out that way. A week later college foster student Chelsy came over and pampered her with some fun things. We got some photos of that!!!<br />
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<br />Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-44644839951023679302012-08-09T09:12:00.001-05:002012-08-09T09:12:08.820-05:00Summer's EndSummer vacation is rocketing towards it's close. The "not the best summer ever" is finally coming to a close. Why so glum? Well, expectations I suppose. With Collin being 15 and Chris not having a hired man, I expected Collin and even Erin to help him on the farm. It never really happened. I have come to realize my husband is a loner and he prefers to work alone or with another person who can work on their own. Other than summer workouts there was not a lot going on for them this summer. Erin kept busier with her friends, often going swimming or for walks or movie nights. Collin spent most afternoons and evenings playing with his friends online on xbox live. <br />
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Hans' summer started off disappointing as baseball did not pan out as planned. He had an enjoyable Sterling Rec Season, but the traveling/ tournament team did not work out. He did pretty well connecting with friends at the pool or getting together. He also did a wrestling camp with Wendell and football workouts 3 mornings a week. <br />
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Alan had a very disappointmenting summer. While we were busily running older kids to workouts or events he got to tag along. None of his friends went to the pool, so even this was not a fun activity. It seems that when we did plan something for him it did not work out. He thought he was going to have an awesome baseball season, but alas even that fell apart. This week he is in football camp and has even managed to be gloomy about that. <br />
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Over arching all of this is a summer plagued with drought and heat since mid May. It has been over 100F most days with absolutely no signficant rain. The situation at church has been disappointing so time when we would often find enjoyment have been bittersweet. <br />
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Where does one find joy in such annoying circumstances? Well, the sin of discontentment has plagued everyone, including me!!! <strong>My hope is in the Lord</strong>...not my children's performance or circumstances.Not in the weather or other people. So i am going to work my way backwards through the summer and even spring to find the blessings and joy and record them here! Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-90914828158876108432012-03-17T09:15:00.000-05:002012-08-09T09:16:12.301-05:00Happy Birthday Erin!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
Oh boy were we in trouble. During spring break we had an airsoft party for Hans...on Erin's birthdaay. I forget exactly why this worked out for him and not for her, but we did it anyway. I believe we were down to the last weekend of spring break and we just put this together quickly so that we could get it done during the break. I know, the Schweizers were supposed to have it, but were unable to so we were the substitute location!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp9qFHar4MRc1_24SoxghRULRUZWpoYsYfYA1roJ9HaSBMYoaaeqgCE84D0FIQob_qd2VPDYbMz2LkrnrWx9yD0gL03iSJ2NSOqRgoK35Ts7ewq8wcY63Xx18tagJ7dGsBDGa0/s1600/IMG_2696.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp9qFHar4MRc1_24SoxghRULRUZWpoYsYfYA1roJ9HaSBMYoaaeqgCE84D0FIQob_qd2VPDYbMz2LkrnrWx9yD0gL03iSJ2NSOqRgoK35Ts7ewq8wcY63Xx18tagJ7dGsBDGa0/s320/IMG_2696.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-88140565528407662802012-02-28T21:30:00.001-06:002012-02-28T21:30:45.898-06:00Settling In<p>After our first trip through the park we went to the Chalet, unpacked and settled in a bit.  Phil and Denise made a wonderful lunch of ribs, beans and salad.  It was so good!!!<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-degBIZocLLc/T02brNx_w9I/AAAAAAAAEdg/rtBC3CPTfms/s1600-h/africa%252520game%252520reserve%252520170%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="africa game reserve 170" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="164" alt="africa game reserve 170" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-z0d0H9ak_yg/T02brqpWjCI/AAAAAAAAEdo/K7WnwTxymsM/africa%252520game%252520reserve%252520170_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-zfjjKdMDt6o/T02bsn73gfI/AAAAAAAAEdw/Qc9klRxQGlA/s1600-h/2012-01-18_08-52-59_377%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="2012-01-18_08-52-59_377" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="139" alt="2012-01-18_08-52-59_377" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-5uQa8MHwIvA/T02btWaEZTI/AAAAAAAAEd4/arCGRjUp-EA/2012-01-18_08-52-59_377_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-pld0lYRnEpU/T02buXyF8CI/AAAAAAAAEeA/LK7G6CkVAWA/s1600-h/denise%252520camera%252520196%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="denise camera 196" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="denise camera 196" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-XYm00du0s0I/T02bu4SjF7I/AAAAAAAAEeI/oA0elagaZI0/denise%252520camera%252520196_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a></p> <p>The Chalet’s were nice.  The kids went swimming and we prepared for an evening Safari in an open safari vehicle with a tour guide from the resort.  That meant we got to stay out late which was fun!</p> <p>   </p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/--f7ts9k4yds/T02bv1SAfUI/AAAAAAAAEeQ/UPF-CdIsF0g/s1600-h/denise%252520camera%252520327%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="denise camera 327" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="164" alt="denise camera 327" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-xxDP8hS-EKY/T02bwsm4_BI/AAAAAAAAEeY/ER32e9LTRq0/denise%252520camera%252520327_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a><a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-zT7F2B8FKks/T02bxosVV4I/AAAAAAAAEeg/i_3FRTJ0HUM/s1600-h/africa%252520game%252520reserve%252520177%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="africa game reserve 177" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="164" alt="africa game reserve 177" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Vtvlc5Zhv0k/T02byIlEACI/AAAAAAAAEeo/ahrVOo4BI4M/africa%252520game%252520reserve%252520177_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-jVBPvwcJKg0/T02bzfOB0UI/AAAAAAAAEew/a-IYuyfHHdA/s1600-h/africa%252520trip%252520133%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="africa trip 133" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="africa trip 133" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-vJ7Vp_7eZes/T02b0Eq_qTI/AAAAAAAAEe4/hinifM-_1cQ/africa%252520trip%252520133_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-HolfYqlq1m8/T02b1CUauZI/AAAAAAAAEfA/wsvPnXHaDY0/s1600-h/africa%252520trip%252520146%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="africa trip 146" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="africa trip 146" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-jt3EC4gQ8dw/T02b1rZ-9yI/AAAAAAAAEfI/Dot9zIu1G5Q/africa%252520trip%252520146_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-ppBVKz288AQ/T02b24GAb6I/AAAAAAAAEfQ/xD8GCteY5h8/s1600-h/africa%252520trip%252520187%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="africa trip 187" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="africa trip 187" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/--Bk61bVY4h0/T02b3jiPDfI/AAAAAAAAEfY/9cb359DM_x8/africa%252520trip%252520187_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> <a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-7nx1FPU3yXk/T02b4jiQSQI/AAAAAAAAEfc/DhhyNLy5l9Y/s1600-h/3%252520lions%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="3 lions" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="175" alt="3 lions" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-A9rQHS4qESg/T02b5M1o-cI/AAAAAAAAEfk/4oAm94P7ILs/3%252520lions_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="244" border="0" /></a> </p> <p></p> <p></p> <p></p> <p>We tried very hard and thought maybe we would see a leopard this night, but it was not to be.  We did get to see some lions</p> Terihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11989880029201620415noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32745375.post-78485853097635784412012-02-28T20:47:00.001-06:002012-02-28T21:15:29.359-06:00Let the vacation begin...After a good night sleep (and praise the Lord it was a good night) we headed out first thing to the game reserve. They rented a microbus and trailor and we piled in! We took a drive through the park before checking into our chalet. We were met by beautiful wild life. <br />
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